I am Autumn

            Confused leaves bounce, swirl widely. Explode outward, rush toward my car, then suddenly lift skyward, divide and race away back into their interrupted flight.

Reminding and remembering that bright spot of youth that gives one immorality.

All has been and will be that way forever. Time stands still when you're young.

All options open, choices behind doors that swing open at the touch.

Vivid, intense and free.

            My view of the past is longer now. I can see backward toward my youth,

Spring and Summer.

Seeing my triumphs and failures- feeling those lumps where I could have chosen differently- but with now with acceptance for who I am and new patience for who I was. 

            Now, I apply the brakes momentarily, and pop out of my head.

Running crazy leaves, brings me awareness, shows me my memories.

The privilege of these backward glances.

            I am middle age.

All that was limitless before now has a deadline. Options are controlled by life circumstances, finances and health.

Resources are marshaled by choices made years ago.

Yes, there are losses but there are compensations too.

It was good. I feel blessed. I have been lucky. 

            I get back in my car, renewed by a subtle urgency and drive to my studio. There, I will get lost for a while longer with my colors, textures and this overwhelming desire to create.